Eventually, all slackers get backed into a tough spot at work. There is something that needs to be done and management will make you do it. No fuzzy timelines or vague descriptions of what you should be working on. By the end of the week. Before Lunch. Now.

Instead of getting angry at them to ask me to stop surfing the Internet, I start to get a little nervous–maybe even sweat a little. This means I am going to probably have to talk to people around the office. As well trained slacker, I try to avoid talking to them as much as possible.

Now, someone might casually mention seeing me leave at 3:30 last week or how I’m never at my desk from 11 am to 1 pm. They are going to ask me what I’ve been working on. They will find out that I haven’t accomplished anything worth mentioning in over three weeks. They will discover me. I will be fired. And humiliated. And I’ll have to pay for my own pens from now on.

These are the times to step it up as much as you can. Somehow, you convinced them to hire you in the first place and you haven’t yet been fired. That must mean some kind of belief in your abilities.

Don’t worry about the fact that you’ll be missing out on all sorts of time spent watching videos and shopping for a washer and dryer. Remind yourself that it’ll still be there. (Unless it’s an eBay auction.) Just think that as soon as you get done with it, you can finish filing your taxes.

Ask people the right questions, race through whatever should have been done before, and needs to be done now before doing what you were just asked. Type furiously. Hopefully you haven’t let yourself too far behind. If you have, find a kind soul in the office to help you who won’t publicize it to others.

Use the threat of imminent termination as a motivator if necessary. It works wonders for me.

Once you’re done and the deadline has passed, take a deep breath and slouch down in your chair. It is okay to work every once in a while, but I wouldn’t recommend making a habit of it. And don’t get sucked into the whole ‘feeling good for accomplishing something’ mumbo jumbo. Yeah, it feels good for a second, but then before you know it you’ll be putting in an extra twenty hours a week and working weekends. Aren’t there other things you would rather do with your time? Go to a concert, the mall, a bar, a basketball game, a bookstore, your couch, your bed, or your living room.

By stepping it up for an hour, a day, or (gulp) a week or two, you should at least get enough respect to give you a few months of easy slacking.

• Wake up and be on the road to work in under five minutes
• Reasons motivated employees should like working with slackers.
• Using a rational approach to your job.